Friends

The last time I wrote about something was April 2016, it was when I'm going through some changes in life. This time, I'm writing again and guess what.. A greater change. I'm now in Melbourne after three years of surviving, making new friends and building new relationships. I left my second home to a place where it is familiar and at the same time felt very unfamiliar. I visit Melbourne every semester, and I know almost everything here but yet it still feels so unfamiliar. There's this one thing in particular made me think a lot lately, friends. So I've decided to write about this.

People always have this perception of me: Vanessa has a lot of friends.
This is true, I have a lot of friends. Friends I'd go drinking with, friends I'd go yumcha with, friends I'd go out with, friends who would ask you to come for their birthday and some that will never. We all know there's all these phases and all these kinds of friends that we have, we label them.

'Not so close' friend

- know each other for years but still not so close cause you think they don't like you or whatever it is,yall just won't jio each other out

'Clubbing' friends

- only meet in club, only jio when go club

'Only for yumcha' friends

- only ask to come out for yumcha after yumcha straight go home

'secondary school' friends

- there's two different types in this one :

1. super close and still friends, friends forever type
2. In the same secondary school, we know each other for years, even know what you don't like to eat but still won't say you're close cause you dk they want to be friends with you or not

'My friend's' friends

- I know this friend from a friend, we not close, tho we always hang out together but still my friend's friend, but we might can call each other a friend

'Social media' friends

- we only talk on social media, super close on social media, comment on every shit, like every post, but never ask to meet in real life....(personally don't even know why we call this friend a 'friend')

Colleague...? Friend..?

- Obviously its our colleagues. but when can we really start calling them friends? Or should they stay forever colleagues.

'say meet forever never meet' friends

- whether they're from college, high school, friends of friends, they just never show up after.

'only find you when need you' friends

- We all know someone like that la. There's always something when you see their name on your phone. There's always... something. 

And the list goes on, let me know if there's some that i must mention but did not.

OK. back to the reason why I'm writing this... Even when everyone say that I have a lot of friends, I know so many people, so much activities and shit like that, but in real, no. Eg., Last night(Friday), went home after dinner with my sis, I'm like super sleepy I went to bed at 10.30p.m.. This morning, woke up at 8.00a.m. cause I slept so early, then I have nothing to do. It has been like this since I came to Melbourne, it happens to me all the time when I was in Brisbane too. I start asking myself.

Who is my friend? 

Who can I go out with? 

What can I do if I ask this person to come out with me?

Will this person come out if I ask?

Will they think that I'm weird?

They might already have plans that can't involve me...?

Do I really have friends?

Sometimes, I still texts some friends to come out after contemplating for so long. Then I start questioning myself, why am I so pathetic that I need to doubt myself to make friends?

I know, I have friends that I can talk to, I have friends back in Malaysia, in UK that if I want someone to speak to they're just a phone call away. But let's be real, we all want someone we can hang out with, spend hours with, just to talk about life, talk about our problems,  just be ourselves when we're out. I have 100 over people like my photos on instagram that I've spoken to and can actually say that I know them, but I don't see any that I can send a message to, without any doubt to ask them out for even just a coffee. 

Do we really need a reason to make friends?

How do we know when is it time to call someone we know, a friend? 

I don't wanna have label-ed friends. I just want to have great friends, great people that I don't need to think twice to send them a text, great people that I will genuinely like your photos and think that it is nice, great people that will show support and love, great people that don't need to look at status to hang out with, great people that has good vibes, great people that are sincere and genuine to be a friend with.

I have met friends like this and I'm really grateful to have this kind of people in my life. I have them in Malaysia, I have a few in Brisbane. These people can prove that I, as a person and a friend, will give help and support in any situation as long as I am capable of, I will never want people to feel what I feel now. If these people can do it, why can't everyone be like this?